I woke up with good thoughts about starting medication for my anxiety. I thought, ok, we’ll see how this goes & it’ll be routine before you know it!
I got up with my son, did his usual morning routine and settled him with his breakfast, and then I got my breakfast. I was advised to take my medication in the morning for ultimate effectiveness. So, I poured a glass of orange juice, made a cinnamon-raisin bagel with cream cheese, and broke a tablet in half (as instructed). I ate my bagel, and down the hatch with the happy pill.
An hour & a half later, I had one of the worst anxiety attacks ever.
I was doing fine, not noticing any effect, thinking it would be just a smooth sailing, subtle experience. I needed a shower, so I got all my necessities and hopped in. I really like nice toasty showers, so I set it to the usual and began the process.
Suddenly, it was overwhelmingly hot. Unusual, I thought, but no big deal. I turned the temperature down and carried on. Then it was just uncomfortable, so I fidgeted until I got it a little bit warmer but not to where it was when I started. Ok. Not ok. I was starting to feel like I was going to fall asleep. “I better just hurry up and go lay down for a nap”.
I finished up and didn’t even bother conditioning my mane, dressed myself, and came downstairs. I got to the recliner, and anxiety raged instantly from about a 2 to a full-blown 10. This wasn’t any ordinary anxiety attack though. Oh no. It felt like my body and my brain were physically fighting something. Each other, the medicine, all 3… I’m not sure. My skin tingled intensely like I had rubbed Icy Hot all over me. It was the skin on my elbows, across my chest, around my back, & the back of my head. Add this to other anxiety manifestations (nausea, feeling frantic & out of control, shaky, tremors, clammy hands & feet…) and you have the making for a very terrible morning. It might be needless to say my whole day has been clouded by this. I never want to experience it again.
I called the psychiatrist (she wasn’t in) & talked to the nurse. She told me that it could’ve just been my body trying to figure out what to do with it given that I’ve never had any type of long-term medication like this before, but if I don’t want to try it again tomorrow, I don’t have to.
And I’m not going to. When your anxiety scares you and concerns you enough to see a therapist and a psychiatrist, the last thing you want is something else to induce anxiety because that just causes more anxiety.
Today was a disaster. I’m hoping it’s just one to put and keep behind me and that someday will yield better results.
For tomorrow, it’s square one.
Her Self, Wandering 